


The Cure: Prologue

by WordsOfMyReality



Series: The Cure [2]
Category: Orange is the New Black
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Cure, F/F, Infidelity, Loss of Trust, Love, More angst, Pain, Three - Freeform, Turmoil, unhealthy relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-08-30 03:33:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16756864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WordsOfMyReality/pseuds/WordsOfMyReality
Summary: Where did Piper and Alex's falling out originate? What drove them to separation? Why did they search for a Cure?Note: Splitting a 9 chapter into 3-3 chapters





	1. Souvenirs and Penchant for Threes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Each scene represents a change of POV.

"PIPER!"

 

 

My hands move to my tool belt as I slip the hammer back into the hammer loop, dropping the remaining nails into one of the smaller pouches. Turning, I look over my shoulder slightly. Shaking my head at Piper. I don't know where she is, but Piper has long since given up on helping me, wandering off to who knows where. "Piper! Would you come in here please?"

I know that there will be changes that I need to make. It is Piper after all; something will need adjusting. Or completely replacing. I turn back, staying on the ladder waiting for an observant Piper to come in and tell me what I have done wrong. I look up, I'm proud of the job I have done. My DIY skills look much better from my point of view than I know they will of Piper's. Plus I quite like the addition of the tool belt, too. It makes me feel handy.

On that thought, I hear Piper enter the kitchen. I glance over my shoulder. Her eyes go immediately to the carpenter pouch slung low across my hips. A sly smile creeps onto her face as she looks from the leather wrapped around my waist to my breasts to my face. "Yes Alex." As much as she tries, Piper is not pulling off innocent.

I motion to the curio shelf Piper bought a few weeks ago that she has yet to put up. "Is this where you want the shelf?"

I look back to her as she glances back up to the cabinet. But her eyes don't stop there as she is drawn back to my hips and a devilish smile adorns her face. I watch the small motions that she does with raised eyebrows, she licks her lips without flicking her eyes back up to my new found DIY skills, nodding. "Perfect."

"Piper," my voice takes on a warning tone. She isn't paying any attention to the shelf, just focusing on the tool belt around my hips. I know all too well what she thinking, but I also know Piper and what she is like. I'm not giving in. "Once I get down, the shelf is permanent. I'm not getting back up here because you can't stop looking at how hot I look in a tool belt."

She gives me one of her familiar mock frowns, her tongue runs across her lips again. Nodding her head in approval as she speaks again, "But you do look sexy. Scrumptious. Delicious." I arch my eyebrow, smirking at that the grin that followed her statement.

This woman is a devil, but she thinks she can play innocent.

* * *

I walk into the kitchen and the first thing I am greeted with is Alex. Fuck. She is wearing a tight fitting tank top, short shorts, and a tool belt. And she wants me to decide if where she put the shelf is okay. I bite on my lip at the sight of Alex. Damn she looks so hot. I don't give a damn where she hung the shelf. It's perfect where it is. I have other things to things to think about. Other things that need a once over. Alex. I can tell her hat needs fixing. She's perfect.

I suck my lip into my mouth, biting it. I can't resist. I step forward, absorbing the full beauty of Alex, with the urge to touch her long pale legs. I run my hands up from her bare ankles to her calves to her knees. I pause there; the back of her knees are sensitive. I take advantage, leaning in to kiss the side of her knees, teasing just so much with my tongue.

"Piper!" Her voice has that almost irritated tone to it. But the raspy pitch is wobbly that can only be from the sensations from my touch.  _She wants me._  I'm going to snap her right out of that mood. I run my tongue up the inside of her leg, reaching up and grabbing the buckle to her tool belt. I tug gently, not wanting to throw Alex of balance. "Damn it Piper. Once I get down, I'm not coming back up here to correct the placement." She is hot when she is serious. That turns me on some more.

Plastering the biggest Piper-smile I have on my face, I take advantage of an unsteady Alex. I pull

again so that Alex is now sitting on the cabinet. I kick the step stool out of the way. It simply clangs over, echoing in the kitchen as I giggle.

"Smooth Piper."

"But Alex… you look so hot." I run my hands along her thigh, fiddling with the broad leather strap of the tool belt. "I'm trying to think of other things around my apartment that need your  _handy_  touch…" I work the strap loose, kissing on her collar bone. "Just so I can watch you." I run my tongue up her neck, nipping at her ear. "I merely can't think of anything right now." My free hand runs inside her inner thigh, close to her center as I finally release the tool belt so it falls off her hips onto the counter. I shove it back with my hands, she raises slightly from the counter as I dig into her ass with my fingers. Her long, slender pale legs instinctively wrap around, pulling me into her.

* * *

This girl is driving me crazy. Her body pressed between my thighs as I wrap my legs around her. Pulling her in as much as I can, my hands come to cup her cheeks and guide her head to look at me. "You're a bad girl Piper Chapman." She looks at me so innocently, fluttering her eyebrows. A devil in disguise. But she knows just how easily I give into her. Those dazzling blue eyes. She started something and now we have to finish. I lower my head, nuzzling my nose against her as I kiss her on the lips.

"You never told me…" I trail a line of kisses along her jaw, to her neck. "Just how good the shelf looks." My lips move back against her, as hover over hers. She tries her hardest for them to connect, but I keep full control of this. Whispering a very soft "No" as I pull back from her need. My lips parted so she can feel the warmth of my breath against our lips such inches apart. "Tell me Piper. What do you want?"

"You."

I know she does. But this is my opportunity to tease. Take charge of a situation that Piper starts. Making her want and need. I moan against her lips as I allow them to make contact with mine only briefly as she tries her hardest to take charge of the kiss. My teeth bite onto her lower lip and I hear the whimper that leaves her mouth and I grin. I run my tongue to soothe the area as I pull back. Moving my hand to her breast. I feel her hardened nipples through the thin material. At the unexpected touch, her head throws back and her neck stretches, revealing new exposed skin to my withering touch. I move my head to kiss her neck, sucking and biting as the soft moans continue to escape her mouth. She allows me the extra space to kiss. Her head tilting. Her hands find the way into my shorts. Again fighting for control she won't get.

She gasps as her hands never break contact from my skin, but with the realization that I am only wearing shorts. My raspy laugh vibrates against her neck as I pull back. My finger lifts her chin. I plant a firm kiss against her lips and shake my head. "We have work to do."

I laugh as she sighs heavily. Resting her head against my shoulder in a huff. "Al."

"Pipes."

"Don't start something you can't finish."

"Exactly Piper. We have a shelf to do." She walked into that one.

* * *

"Alex?"

"Hm?"

I take her hands to stop her from shuffling away from me, kissing on the inside of her wrist. "Are you telling me that you are choosing work over me?"

She reaches for my face again, placing a soft kiss against my lips. "I'm telling you not to start something you can't finish."

I look at the smug grin on her face as she mimics my words with a proud laugh. I push on her shoulder gently, pulling her further into me. I take her hand under my over-sized shirt, the only item of clothing that is keeping my bare skin hidden. Placing it against my breast as I know she can't refrain. The buttons are low and I look up to her face as she caresses my breast. "Are you sure you can resist?"

Her gaze flicks down to my cleavage that is visible through the low cut buttoned shirt that I am wearing. She kisses between my breasts and then my neck. Circling around my nipple as I guide her back to look at me. "Who is giving in now?"

She shakes her head, removing her hand from under my shirt moving to undo the buttons that keep us parted. "Not me." Her mouth finds my breast as her tongue circles. Kissing underneath as she teases me. For a girl that wants to go back to the shelf, her actions are telling me different.

I place my own hand under her shirt. My cold hand contacting the warmth of her breast causes a gasp to leave Alex's mouth as I mirror her actions. As she places kisses on each breast, I take the opportunity to pull up her tank top. She raises her arms as I remove her from it. Throwing it carelessly behind me. My hand finds the back of her neck as I push her mouth towards me. We meet in a slow and soft kiss, a rhythm forming between us. Our tongues move together; I deepen the kiss as the heat grows between us. The want and the need. The grip of her legs tighten around me as she pushes me in, closer to her causing me to bite on her lip and her moan into my mouth.

I graze my teeth down her skin. Following my trace with my tongue against her neck. I can hear her moan in my ear and it encourages me further. "Pipes." Her voice is barely audible through the pleasures that she feels as I work my way to her breast. Taking full ownership. "Hm." Just as she is about to speak again, I bite down on her skin and her body jolts into me. Pushing her breasts further into my mouth, pinching her nipple with my free hand. "We..." "We have to finish the shelf."

I respond by running my middle finger down her torso, across her core and to the inner of her thigh. Tugging on the strings to the waistband of her shorts. Our lips meet again as we kiss. A slow pace as we savor the taste of each other, the pleasure of our kisses as our lips connect together. As we increase the pace, I slip my hands into her shorts. Cupping her mound as my palm of my hand drowns in her wetness. I rub my thumb over her clit, circling figure eight strokes as she bucks at my touch.

I trace my finger between her folds, gathering her wetness as I run my finger to her mouth. Allowing Alex to taste herself as my finger strokes the bottom of her lip. She licks my finger to suck on the tip as my free hand takes to her shorts. Taking the waistband as I push them down her legs. She lifts herself as she gives way to my actions. The shorts falling neglectfully onto the floor.

"Alex."

"Yeah?"

"Come closer."

As she shuffles towards me and the edge of the counter, I take advantage of the opportunity, parting her legs for better access as I raise her left leg to my shoulder. I kiss her breasts and then back to her lips. Our kiss is frantic and needing and our tongues collide together as we deepen the pace of our kiss and the heat emerges between us. Our lips find a perfect sync and I can hear her faint moans that send sensations throughout me. Damn she sounds so good. Her sounds give me the urge to go on. I run my fingers along her thigh, continuing the kiss before I insert them. One hand on her thigh and the other building a pace within her as I thrust in and out slowly as she adjusts to me. Her hips bucking at the sudden touch as I press my thumb to her clit. As I work the clit, her chest arches forward as I capture them with my mouth. My tongue running across her nipple as I suck. I build my pace within in. Thrusting in and out of her harder and deeper. As she moans breathlessly and urges me to continue. To quicken the pace within. I release her breast.

Capturing her mouth into a slowly kiss. Focusing purely on where she is most sensitive as I move in and out of her. Pressing as she bites down on my lip, I know she is enjoying this. Coming closer to her orgasm as her walls clench tighter and around my fingers. Making my access difficult as I thrust further and harder into her. Looking to Alex with her head pressed against the upper cabinet and her eyes closed. Her chest rises and falls, and damn she looks so good. Continuing to work against the spot she finally comes undone. Followed with a breathless "fuck". I slow down my pace, moving my focus back to her clit. I allow her to gather her breath before I pick up the movements circling her clit. Her head keeps back against the wall, her eyes close as she bites down on her own lip silencing her moans.

Before I know it our bodies lay with our backs pressed against the cold kitchen wall. Side by side as we breathe in and out gathering our breaths. We lay in silence. I close my eyes as I smile to myself. Thinking of these moments.

"Hey Al."

"Yeah?"

"Remember that time on the chest freezer?"

* * *

I hand Piper the little wooden shoes we got in Holland. Our souvenirs are always small but we try to represent where we've been on our trips. For example, last summer we went to Nicaragua on a whim. Piper picked up a beautiful reed woven bowl in which to serve bread. The pottery there was amazing, and of course Piper wanted a clay bowl as well. We found some incredible little miniatures that were identical to the larger ones, so she was well satisfied with the tiny one which suited our shelf better. I relented, as I always do when it comes to Piper and let her get several miniatures including a cute little bus which had natives hanging off of it as they balanced woven bowls of fruit and market items on their heads.

"Here Pipes." I hand Piper the Berlin coffee mug we bought on our first trip together. It is a super cool black and white relief mug of the Berlin wall around the mug. The words  _Berlin, Germany_  and

 _Berline, Deutschland_  are printed on the inside lip.

I look down to Piper waiting for her to take the mug. Laughing as she frowns to me and shaking her head. I arch my eyebrow at her actions, she refuses to take the coffee mug. "I use that almost every day Alex."

I look at the mug, tracing the hairline crack with my finger. Okay, so I'm sentimental about it. "Piper, there is a hairline fracture in it. I fear that the heat from coffee and tea will cause the crack to expand and break." I look to Piper and she is still frowning. Not taking what I said seriously and the sentimental value that the mug has for me. "Piper it was the first thing we ever bought for our collection."

"Alex I'm not putting the mug on the shelf. I use it. It reminds me of our first trip."

"We'll just have to agree to disagree then."

I put the mug back in the cabinet with the regular mugs but try to hide it behind the rest to keep it safe. Over the next few weeks it becomes somewhat of a game. I put the mug on the shelf. She is drinking out of it the next day. I just don't want it to break.

I know Piper will be forever arranging and rearranging the trinkets. I think it's how she relives the vacations.

* * *

Alex helps with putting the knick knacks onto the shelf. Although she attempted to hand me the mug from Berlin, something that that I use every day. That crack has been there since we unwrapped it after we got back. It's not fragile. It's my favorite mug; my favorite souvenir. We both think different about its value; I use it to remind me of that memory. Of Berlin, our first vacation together. I always think of Alex when I use it, it gives me comfort

I make quick work of putting our souvenirs onto the shelf. With a few debates with Alex about what should go where and that we should put the mug on display, we finally finished. Don't start something you can't finish, another task done. It had been a difficult process trying to stop myself from devouring Alex for another time, the long legs and the exposed skin as she reached to play individual items on to our newly fitted shelf.

Finally, I gave in to temptation as I dragged Alex to our bedroom. We had to prepare for our evening out. With just enough time to get ready and to drain in the beauty of Alex as we shared a shower together.

I can't pull my eyes from Alex as she pulls a navy blue dress over her pale skin and lace underwear. She looks so good but I promised I would be on my best behavior. Damn I can't wait for this night to be over. For me on the other hand, I don't find it that easy to decide. Much to Alex's humor as she finally selects a dress from one of the three I have been struggling to decide between. A white dress that compliments Alex, with navy blue shoes. It wasn't something that we planned, but definitely something that Alex had considered in the selecting. Although, she tries to convince me she is not a sap.

Luckily, through the stealing of kisses and the squeezing of Alex's butt during the process of getting ready, we are on time. With minutes to spare, just enough to grab a quick kiss before Alex whisks me off for our night out and to meet our friends; Nicki and Lorna.

I would say I timed that perfectly. Enough time to enjoy how hot my girlfriend looks in that tight fitting dress, hugging all of the right places. Everything happens in threes. Maybe I am in for a lucky night.

* * *

_The Beat_  is packed tonight, and we are lucky to get seats. We spread apart to try to reserve room for Nicky and Lorna who are late, as usual. We each have our feet kicked up on a stool, daring anyone to challenge us for the extra seats. It's obvious we are saving them.

Whilst waiting for Nicky and Lorna, it doesn't take much to convince Alex to get started as we mingle with others nearby. Rounds of shots continuously come in as we start a drinking game, the last to down has to drink a whiskey chaser. It's a slow start for me as I find myself drinking numerous amounts of them. I am feeling light headed, but great as I pick my pace and adapt to the game. So much so that I beat knocking back a shot before Alex has finished hers.

The game soon fades as they go back to their friendship group. I enjoy my time with Alex as I pull her between my legs and kiss her hard. Our tongues battle with each other then we are disturbed by a loud smack that is placed on Alex's bum. We pull apart only to be greeted by none other than Nicky.

Now the fun has started.

"Three." I drain a third of my beer. "Let's talk about the number three. Some people say that bad things happen in three's but I beg to differ. The Three Little Pigs!"

Nicky raises her glass, "a three ring circus."

"Three Musketeers," Lorna chimes in. "Although chocolate doesn't really go with beer.

"How about Three Billy Goats Gruff?" Alex leans into me.

I feel myself wobbling slightly. "See, all in threes which are much funnier that way. Three blind mice!"

"Three sheets to the wind."

Everyone laughs as Nicky pushes my shoulder. I'm not that drunk, am I? I cover my mouth to suppress the beer escaping from my belly. "So from here on out, I declare my penchant for the number three! Long live the three! Come on Alex, let's dance."

I head out to the dance floor, knowing that Alex will follow when she finishes her beer. I spin around and around to the point of being dizzy, unbalanced. Without warning, hands find my hips, supporting me, steadying me. A body matches my motions. Wait this doesn't feel right. It feels different. This woman behind me feels taller than Alex. Gyrating around, my eyes skim over her, taking in her platinum blonde hair, a short bob, shaved on one side.  _Where is Alex?_ This woman is indeed taller than Alex which is a feat in itself. Her eyes are closed as she moves against me, so I just dance.

When I feel a more familiar body behind me. It's amazing how recognizable someone can become over a period of time.  _This_  is Alex. She presses against my back, her hips grinding into mine. The taller blonde senses another presence and opens her eyes, slight confusion since she had already claimed this dance. Yet Alex is behind me, claiming my body. I am not sure what Alex did, but the woman moves in even more closely – as does Alex. Now it is the two of them dancing as I am simply moving along. I watch their glazes lock as the blonde leans over my shoulder and locks lips with Alex. I am stunned as Alex kisses back, puts her arm around the blonde, pulls her into us both and kisses back.

I cannot tear my eyes from them. The kiss is brief but fuck is it ever hot. Alex breaks the kiss and looks down at me. She moves her hips into me, hard as she whispers into my ear. "Didn't you just declare your penchant for three?" As the blonde moves to kiss Alex again, Alex pulls back and guides the woman's mouth to mine. I'm afraid. Is this how Alex took my conversation? I don't want Alex to leave, so I reach behind me and grab her pants leg, encouraging her to dance against me. My other hand pulls the blonde's face further into mine. Gawd I'm wet. I'm so going to fuck Alex when we get home. This woman is kissing me but all I'm thinking of is fucking Alex.

* * *

Piper tears away from the blonde and twists around to face me. She hungrily attacks my mouth, kissing me hard. I rip my mouth from hers with a sly grin and spin her hips around to face the tall blonde again. I lean back into her mouth and whisper. "Kiss her." And she does.

The blonde becomes bolder which each passing song. While she attempts to kiss me, I make it clear that the focus is on Piper. The three of us dance two more songs before Piper is ready to move off the dance floor. As I'm walking off, the blonde grabs my neck to pull me in for one last fierce kiss. She whispers into my ear and tucks a card into my pocket. I saunter over to the table where my fresh drink awaits.

Piper stands between my legs. "What did she say Al?" Despite the extra attention Piper had been given, she wants to know more.

"She wants to come home with us."

### Actions


	2. Cake by the Ocean and Return of a Third

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scenes alternate Alex and Piper's POV.

Alex didn't want to do anything for her birthday, but here we are in Cozumel. It's always difficult making plans behind Alex's back since I have to play the dumb blonde card when I get caught or when I have to make up something utterly ridiculous to cover my tracks. I had to tell her about Cozumel though – well kind of. I think I said something like, "Alex, pack for four days on the beach." When I think of Alex's reaction I laugh; she got grumpy with me because I wouldn't give her details, but oh well. It's fun.

* * *

Piper really isn't good at keeping secrets. I don't like celebrating my birthday. It's just not the same without my mom. But Piper – Piper is planning something. I just can't figure out what it is because she keeps playing dumb. God I hope it's just an act.

I was told to pack for a bag for a long weekend, or where we would be going. Details that I needed to know. But all Piper would tell me was the  _beach_. I'm trying to act like this is just a  _surprise_  and not for my birthday. But there is a small part within me that gets excited about figuring surprises out. Isn't that what wakes them fun? It reminds me of when Mom was alive, she would get mad when I was caught shaking my presents that she had hidden in the closets. I wonder if she ever figured out that I could deftly unwrap and rewrap a present perfectly. I got really good at figuring out what my birthday and Christmas presents were and I continue to use this to my advantage now. Still feeling the excitement that I did as a kid, although I insist that I don't enjoy celebrating my birthday.

I pull out a bag and start laying out clothes suitable for a beach vacation. Of course my mind is wandering to where Piper might be planning. I first thought maybe we were going to Miami because I absolutely love Cuban food. I listen for Piper and don't hear her so I think I'm safe. I can't resist the curiosity building within me, so I move over to her dresser and rummage around. I land my hands on the passports; Miami is out. But I don't give up, I listen to the noise in the background as I continue to search through the drawers, finding two sets of brochures from resorts. – One in Cabo, the other in Montego Bay. I suspect that because they are with our passports that I now have my birthday surprise narrowed down; two locations. Score! I hear a noise that makes me jump. It's Piper coming up the stairs, I hurriedly place the not-so-well-hidden travel documents into the drawer and go back to my packing.

* * *

I want to see how Alex is doing on her packing. I know from what she has told me about birthday and Christmas's with her Mom as a child that she likes to sneak. She has told me stories of how she would find out what her birthday and Christmas presents were from her mom. But I have also learnt from experience. I creep as quietly as I can up the stairs, standing outside the bedroom as I listen. Trying to be a silent as possible so that I don't disturb Alex. Sure enough I hear her rummaging, I can only guess that she will be rummaging through my dresser which is on the other side of the door than hers. I love it! I had put our passports with some random pamphlets from beach locales to throw her off. I creep back downstairs about half way then turn to walk back up, loudly clomping my feet. I am not going fast but the noise of my dresser being closed is unmistakable. It's difficult to keep the humor from my voice and the knowing look from my eyes as I enter the bedroom. Alex thinks she's so sly. Little does she know, I'm a bit craftier this time.

* * *

I feel like a child. Piper isn't allowing me to hold my own boarding pass or my own passport. All she gives to me is that sweet smile that I fall for each time. It always wins me over. I haven't been able to determine which of the two places we are going, because I have yet to get my hands on my own boarding pass. But I will. Or at least when we get to the gate. She makes me stand way back while the security agent checks us through to x-ray. "It's her birthday surprise." She said in a stage whisper. "So don't give our destination away." He laughed as he handed our travel documents and passports back.

"Have a good trip ladies, and I hope you enjoy your birthday – wherever."

I just rolled my eyes.

* * *

We have just passed security and Alex still has no idea on our destination, I know just how much it is bothering her too. But I cannot help but think of this situation as fun. Having complete control over Alex, it's usually the other way around. Everything is going to plan; or so I hope. Just one thing that I need to check and hope is going in my favor so that I can keep the guessing up. I walk over to the flight board, leaving Alex with the bags. Bonus. There are flights going to all three places. I make quick work of memorizing the gates for all three destinations. Let's "go" to Cabo San Lucas first.

I walk back over to Alex, who has been watching my every move. I take my suitcase from her, making my way towards the gate. I look back over my shoulder as Alex stands, adjusting the handle on her suitcase trying to keep up with me. "Come on Alex. Our gate is this way."

We arrive at the gate and settle down. Alex grins as she plops down next to me. I can see the excitement on her face, how happy she looks with the chosen destination. "Yes! I have never been to Cabo." I simply respond with a smile, a genuine one too as I place a kiss on her cheek. She seems relaxed now, finally knowing where we are going. She props her feet up, pulling out a crumpled straw hat from her bag and plops it on her head. I hide my laugh behind my hand as I decide to let Alex enjoy thoughts of Cabo for a little bit longer.

I leave Alex to enjoy thinking of a long weekend in Cabo, whilst I pull out the travel documents again and study them. I deliberately frown as I see Alex watching me from the corner of my eye, looking confused.

"Shit!"

"What Pipes?"

"I'm such an idiot. This gate is for Cabo and you even said Cabo. I'm not paying attention. Wrong gate, let's go."

* * *

I am sitting all comfortable, and Piper has taken me to the wrong gate. I am going to keep this silly banged up hat on while we traipse to the new gate. I hope it embarrasses her. We grab our bags as I follow Piper to the next gate, not knowing the destination we are going again. At least we are staying in the International terminal. I think I know which gate she's headed to now. Sure enough, my sneaking around proved just that as we arrive at the gate. I look to see,  _Boarding in 40 minutes: Montego Bay_. Little does Piper know that I had already figured this out.

"Seriously Piper, Montego Bay is nowhere near Cabo – physically or alphabetically. How did you screw the gates up?" She shrugged at me, I respond by deciding that I should go full birthday mode. Pulling out a pair of bright pink cheap sunglasses. They clash with my green t-shirt, but oh well. It's vacation. I think they go well with my straw hat.

I hold my hand out to Piper. "Mom, can I be a big girl now and hold my own travel documents and passport? Please?"

I give Piper that cute look that she always gives me. An innocent, sweet girl. But she just laughs at me; "I don't know, can you?"

"May I? I've been a good girl all year long."

Piper narrows her eyes. "How good of a girl have you been?"

I push my sunglasses on top of my head and give her  _that_  look before dropping the sunglasses back down to the bridge of my nose. I hold my hand out once more. She places her hand in mine. Exasperated that I may not ever see my own boarding pass, I just settle for my girlfriend's hand.

* * *

I take Alex's hand as we sit with our fingers entwined. I am enjoying the touch and observing the people around us that I had almost forgotten that we were still not at the right gate. I glance down at my watch, checking the time. I decide that since it's almost an hour for our real flight to leave, maybe we should get to the correct gate. I pull out the boarding passes and look once more.

"FUCK!"

Alex pulls off her sunglasses, looking at me. Making sure I catch her eye-roll. "What Pipes?"

"I did it again."

"What?"

"Wrong gate. Come on. I have it now. I promise."

"Fuck. Seriously Piper?" Alex is getting perturbed at me. "Just for that, I'm wearing this god-awful straw hat and ugly pink sunglasses all day."

"Suit yourself."

We gather our luggage again, this time I take hold of Alex's hand and let her walk with me. We finally make it to the right gate and I throw myself into a seat, Alex sitting beside me. I take our boarding passes as I look to Alex, whose eyebrow is arched at me questionably. With a small, proud smile I finally hand Alex her boarding pass. Kissing her on the cheek, I whisper. "Happy birthday Al."

* * *

I look at the third gate. Cozumel. That little shit! Piper hands me my boarding pass to confirm this is where we are going. "You got me Pipes. You definitely got me."

"You shouldn't snoop!"

Piper really got one over on me this time.

* * *

The resort is perfect and the room is to die for. We spend time enjoying the room, flicking through the brochures and decided on all that we had to do, what we wanted to do and what we would do if we just had some extra time.

We spend our first day practicing our horrible Spanish on one of the local catamarans that take groups out to the reefs to snorkel. As a joke, Alex wears her emerald green bikini while I wear sky blue. Business is slow today so it is just the two of us and another couple with their young daughter who doesn't get in the water. The dive master, Cristina, says she doesn't mind because she has less people to watch and can have fun herself. I make a note to include a large tip.

* * *

The first reef we visit is teeming with sea life. The corals themselves are gorgeous – large chunks of red coral with smaller purple segments. The golden yellow sections sway with the waves as the yellow and black sergeant major fish swim through the tentacles. We see amazing sea life including a large green sea turtle to a huge spiny lobster. To the daughter's delight, the kind dive master brings up the different animals for her to see and to pet. Except the lobster. She stays away from the swinging claws.

The second reef had life of a different sort. Cristina pulls a large loaf of crusty bread from the hold of the sailboat and dives down to find a break in the coral. She motions us into position yet waves us off when we get too close. She tears off a few smaller pieces of bread and shoves them into the hole and backs off. A green mouth darts out, grabs the bread and dashes back in. She pulls off a larger hunk and this time holds the bread in her hand, teasing the coral opening. With her other hand, she motions to us to have our cameras ready. The green mouth darts out again and pauses, soon followed by a long green body. The moray eel opens its mouth wide, sharp teeth glistening in the clear water, as Cristina pushes bread towards the eel so as to protect her fingers. She feeds him half the loaf before he tires and retreats to his cage.

As soon as the eel dipped back into his hiding space, there was a flash of silver scales next to the dive master as a toothy barracuda came in for his share of the bread. It is apparent that Cristina has spent time at this reef and knows the animals and their nature. Alex is mesmerized by the close contact, so I hand her the under-water camera and swim off to snorkel with the fish.

* * *

I think Piper is bored with the larger fish, but I am finding this amazing. The other couple and Piper have gone around the reef to snorkel away from the larger fish. Cristina motions me to the surface so that I can be at snorkel depth. She is good at pantomime and since she has her scuba gear on, I can tell what she wants. She holds her hand out of my camera and holds one finger up telling me to wait and an open palm signifying that I should hang out where I am. She wraps my camera around her wrist and goes off apparently in search of another big fish.

When I see her next, she's hidden behind the reef and motions for me to take a deep breath and to come down to her. I oblige and she places my hands gently on a flat surface with no coral. Cristina disappears then reappears in front of me. The next thing I know, there is a fucking big ass sting ray hanging out over my shoulder. FUCK! I can feel my heart pounding, but I have to hold my breath, so I'm pretty much stuck. I can see the laughter in Cristina's eyes as she takes a few pictures.

"You…" I sputter as I surface. "At least warn me next time?" Cristina trailed bread crumbs behind her to the back of the boat to lure the sting rays to the ladder so that the child can pet their rubbery skin. I pulls myself onto the back deck, taking off my fins, mask and snorkel. I think I've had enough. Cristina asked if she could keep my camera and swam off to find Piper.

* * *

Eventually I crawl up the boat's ladder and find Alex laid out on the deck almost dry. She looks so relaxed, so of course I have to stand over her and drip. When the rivulets of water running off my hair and body hit her stomach, she flinches and reflexively balls up.

"Hey!" She throws a towel at me. "Careful there Pipes."

I settle next to her, respecting her dry space as I dry off my face and neck. "Did you enjoy today Al?" She nodded and told me that she was excited to see the pictures that each had taken.

* * *

When we return to the hotel, the concierge confirmed my package had arrived and promised that the basket would be ready to pick up as we went to the beach tonight. One of my favorite songs right now is by DNCE. Since I've been planning Alex's birthday, the song has sort of been an annoying ear-worm. I've been humming it to myself all day.

_Talk to me, baby_  
_I'm going blind from this sweet sweet craving, whoa-oh_  
_Let's lose our minds and go fucking crazy  
_ _Ah ya ya ya ya I keep on hoping we'll eat cake by the ocean_

I know Alex's favorite flavor of cake is chocolate, and I'm a sucker for wine. So I did my research to find the perfect dessert wine to pair with chocolate cake. It took me a while, but I think I found it. I hope so anyway. While the five-year-old bottle of Malmsey Madeira wine wasn't expensive, I was told it would go well with the ganache. The shipping cost more than the wine, but I couldn't exactly bring it with me. The hotel took care of the cake for me, so everything was perfect.

* * *

I take a rolled up blanket that Piper hands me, my guess is that she wants us to go and spend some time at the beach after dark. I guess that could get pretty romantic. She has planned some pretty cool things for our trip, special but not really birthday-ish special. She is so sweet. Thinking of me but also remembering all that I have told her about how birthdays and how I don't enjoy celebrating them, but I appreciate the effort she is going to.

Piper picks up a basket from the concierge who winks at me. I frown at him, but I think he may have a crush on Piper which I find funny. I take her hand as we walk away. We wander down to the private area of the beach. Once Piper finds the perfect little area, she has me spread out the blanket and settles down with the basket on the far corner away from me. She pulls out a wireless speaker and makes all the right connections to play a list from her iPhone.

I watch as she sits on the blanket, motioning for me to come and sit beside her. I do. Motioning for Piper to come closer as she moves towards me, her body flush against mine. Her head is resting in the crook of my neck as I rest my head against hers and wrap my arm around her petite frame. I pull Piper closer to me, kissing her softly on the side of her head as I sit and embrace this moment. Enjoying the closeness and comfort of each other. We sit and watch the sea, the sound of the water in the distance and the perfect playlist playing in the background.

"Al."

I look down to Piper, pulling my head back as our eyes meet. She looks up to me and I can't help but smile at how adorable she looks. I love this girl in front of me and all that she does for me. She speaks so softly and I can't resist the urge to lean down and kiss her softly on the lips. I pull back and smile at her lovingly, "everything okay Pipes?"

"Lay down with me."

I laugh at the fact she thinks she has to ask. Falling back to the blanket against the sand as I pull Piper down with me. Her arm wraps around my body and her leg comes over mine as she snuggles into me. I take the opportunity to guide Piper's face towards me and share another kiss. To show my appreciation for all that she does for me. Her head comes to rest on my chest and I run my fingers through her hair. We lay together for a while. Looking up to the sky as we occasionally share small words. It is so nice to relax – just me and her and music.

I get caught up in the moment, several songs in and Piper is moving from my body. Crawling over to the basket. I prop on my elbows as I watch what she is doing. Reaching in, I am shocked to see her pulling out a cake. "Pipes?"

"Yes – it's chocolate."

I grin. Chocolate is my favorite. It makes me smile to see that she is doing all this for me. The cake is followed by a bottle of wine as she hands it to me to inspect. It's a Madeira dessert wine which undoubtedly pairs well with chocolate. I'm sure she did her research. I sit up, and look to a giggling Piper as she twists the screw into the cork and pops it open so she can pour the dark liquid into two plastic wine glasses. She offers one to me and presents hers for a toast. Her voice changes to a mock-high society accent, "With its high acidity Malmsey Madeira is a perfect foil for the richness of chocolate." She switches to her normal voice and leans into my lips, "Happy birthday Alex!"

* * *

After enjoying the first glass sweet wine, Alex can't wait and starts to cut into the cake. I stop her because what is a birthday if nobody sings to you. I light a single candle and place it in the center of the small cake. Singing Happy Birthday to her, in an off-key voice of course. Now the cake is good to eat.

As Alex finishes cutting the cake, I flip my playlist forward a few songs so that DNCE can play. When the notes of that song rolled through the speaker, Alex chuckled. "Cake by the ocean, huh? I should have known."

We finished off the cake and the bottle of wine. I have moved to sit between Alex's legs, her arms wrapped around me. The warm embrace makes me feel safe. Protected. I enjoy this moment. Luckily I came prepared with another bottle – or two. It's nice sitting out here with Alex.

* * *

I feel comfortable with Piper sitting between my legs, my arms wrapped around her holding her protectively. My head is rested on her shoulder as we look out to the ocean. It feels perfect. I embrace the silence for a moment longer, before something comes to my head. I smile as I press my cheek against hers. "Hey Pipes."

"Mmm?" Her head doesn't turn, but she returns the touch.

"It's my birthday, right?"

"Yeah."

"Remember that night in the bar? That conversation we had about your penchant for things in sets of three?" I play with her hair as she leans into the touch. I listen to her chuckle before she responds to me.

"How could I fucking forget? Damn we had crazy sex for days after that."

I smile. Nudging her so she turns to me, I motion my head in the direction of a woman walking solo across the beach. She follows my eyes. "Three." I laugh, hoping she would understand.

"Alex."

"Yes?"

"No. Two is just fine sometimes."

I laugh, knowing I tried.

* * *

Had I not been so drunk at the bar that night, I think Alex would have let that blonde come home with us. Watching us kiss seemed to get her particularly worked up. And we indeed had some wild sex after that night. Fuck. Maybe.

It's dark out and nobody seems to care around here anyway, so I reach around and untie my bikini top. I untie Alex's as well so that I can admire her breasts which are much larger than mine. This woman will be the death of me. I stand, pulling her to her feet and we make our way to the surf. Standing with the waves beating against our legs, we embrace and kiss. My hands immediately go to Alex's breasts.

I hear a throat clear not too far from us. Alex wraps a protective arm around me as we glance over to see the woman from earlier standing closer than expected.

"Bueno."

"Bueno."

"Tu novia es muy bonita." The woman takes a step closer to us, and I can see her striking features in the moonlight.

"Gracias." I mean what else does one say?

Turning to Alex she says, "Feliz cumpleaños."

Alex seems almost mesmerized at the gumption of the woman to actually approach us and to speak to us.

It is Alex's birthday after all. Maybe this would be a perfect present to top off her night. I nudge Alex towards the woman. Alex turns to look at me questioningly. I nod.

* * *

This woman has flawless skin, slightly shorter than Piper but she's gorgeous with large breasts spilling from her bikini. Oh how I love a nice set of breasts. Piper prods me forward. I'm shocked. Did she plan this? She just told me no just five minutes ago. My mouth is dry as I step towards the woman.

The dark complexioned woman tucked her head against her chest, almost a shy gesture. But as I walked forward, she took a step forward, dropping her hands in an open gesture.

I raise my hand towards her skin. "¿Permisio?" She nods so I touch her face and slide my hand to her arm. I feel Piper come up behind me and move my hand to the woman's breast. It has been a long time since I have touched another woman's breasts other than Piper's. My head rolls back and I breathe in a deep lungful of salty air. Piper moves behind the woman and unties her bikini allowing my hands full access to the stranger's breasts. She then pulls me down for a reassuring kiss before stepping away.

I remember how I felt watching Piper kiss the blonde at the bar. I wonder if Piper is actually going to be able to handle this. Fuck these are nice tits. I duck my head down and suckle the woman's nipple as she wraps her hand in my hair and pulls me into her. Using my hair, she pulls me up to her mouth. Her unfamiliar lips are rough, not Piper's. But I kiss her. She's not my lover but I kiss her. She digs her fingertips into my back and I kiss her.

She moves down to my breasts. I open my eyes to check on Piper. She is standing an arm lengths away, watching, mesmerized. I raise an eyebrow towards her. She simply nods her approval. I motion to the woman and she shakes her head. She just wants to watch. My eyes drift shut as the woman shifts her mouth from breast to breast. Ecstasy.

* * *

Alex is in heaven. I wish my Spanish were better or I'd definitely be asking this woman back to our room. I love it when Alex fucks me. I wonder what it would be like to watch her fuck someone else. I jump as I hear voices in the distance. A small group of women seem to be running on the beach.

"¿Gabriella? ¿Donde estás Gabriella? ¿Estás ahí? The woman giggles as she reaches behind her to tie her bikini and shift her breasts back into position. "¿Gabriella?" The voices are getting closer.

She waves at Alex then at Piper. "Adios!" Then she runs off towards her friends.

### Actions

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	3. Restaurant and Disaster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scenes alternate POV.

I am able to score a reservation at Pietros, Piper's favorite restaurant. I want to do something special, to treat her like she deserves to be treated. It has been a long time since we have both had a night out, just the two of us – in forever, so it seems. Thinking back, I think the last time it was just the two of us enjoying a night out together was my birthday in Cancun two weeks ago.  _Fuck_. That was a good time. I don't think I will be so unwilling to celebrate my birthday, or Christmas even if Piper plans it  _especially if it's like that every time._ But tonight, those thoughts are aside and I want to make this about Piper. For the two of us to spend some quality time together. Just each other. I am looking forward to it. I feel like it has been a long time since I have done anything nice for Piper. I have a lot to top the birthday surprise she did for me. I hope this is enough.

* * *

When Alex had told me that she had made arrangements for tonight, there was some excitement that built within me. Just the thought of Alex and myself being able to use this time to share together. To move on from what happened in Cancun and focus on the present.  _Or at least where I would like to be in the present._  I hadn't spent so long choosing clothing to wear, probably because I am not quite feeling the excitement that I would usually feel. But I don't quite feel that I can explain what has gotten into me and stirred certain emotions within. I told myself that I would try my hardest for Alex. I am thankful of the plans that she had made for us this evening, whatever she does makes me happy. Or at least most things.

We are now eating our main, I sit across from Alex where she held my hand across the table. Now I am watching as she chews her steak methodically, savoring every bite. I have never had doubt in our relationship, but tonight. Or for some time now, there has been something niggling in the back of my brain; I don't quite know what it is. Or least I like to think that I don't and that it will pass… now I am beginning to have doubts about what this is and the trust in our relationship. More recently, I have needed to hear from Alex to reassure me. She has a way with words, the things that she says to put my fears to rest, regardless of what they may be. But those doubts continue resurface.

That constant nag at the back of mind does the talking for me as I cannot sit on my feelings any longer. I open my mouth without realizing and the words speak for me. Without even considering where this may lead. My head is hurting from all of the doubt and the pain that it inflicts on me. I need answers to the questions that I have yet to ask.

"Alex how do you feel about our relationship?"

It probably shouldn't have come out as it did. But now it's there and there is no going back. I close my head and mumble a silent fuck, before I look back up to Alex. Now paused, she is lowering her fork from her mouth.

She narrows her eyebrows at me from behind her glasses. I can see that she is confused, and that is backed up by the words that follow her reaction. She lets go of my hand, lays her fork back onto her plate, wiping her mouth as she lifts her head to look directly at me. Now I have her full attention. I want to scream. I now have regret for asking the question; it's not a conversation I want to pursue anything further. But how do I get myself out of this mess?

"What do you mean Piper?"

"I… I mean… " I pause. Stumbling with my words. But before I know, it's blurted out. I find myself unable to control my words and the emotion that is provoking them. "I mean, are you happy?" That was probably unreasonable of me. Sharp. Maybe a little bratty but I cannot help the way I feel and the effect that it is having me. Sometimes things are better in the open. I have asked the question now, and there isn't any going back.

It's time to face it, but to my benefit it's a question that I have been wanting to know the answer to and I can hope that Alex's feelings reciprocate my own. I am currently in a position in which I feel unstable in my relationship with Alex. I don't know what is; where it is going. Maybe I have an issue with trust; it's all at the effect of my own issues.

Alex just looks at me with arched brows, in utter confusion, shock maybe at why I would ask that question. I am beginning to think that it's stupid. But is it really? It is only how I am feeling and I needed it to be said, like a weight that is lifted on my shoulders something that has been stirring my emotions and effecting my feelings. She isn't giving me the answers I wanted, offering little response on the change in her facial expression.

"With me? With us?" I try again. Wanting to stir something within Alex so she gives in a responds to me. "This!" I point between us, keeping my eyes fixated on her. Can she not see the seriousness in my own facial expression and that I am not playing around? These are genuine feelings.

I keep looking at Alex. Now she looks concerned. She sits up straight in her chair. Looking directly at me, a mixture of concern and confusion. She had clearly not been thinking the same as me or expecting the question. Now I feel guilt as I look to her face.

"Babe. Yes… Why do you ask that?"

"Cancun."

Fuck. I didn't mean for that to come out. I am being silly. It's just jealousy. Childish of me. But now she knows… I hadn't intended to say those words but the truth always comes out. I can't hide my true feelings for ever.

* * *

I don't understand why Piper is asking this, or what brought it on exactly. I planned for us to both have an evening that we could enjoy, go home together and make the most of each other's company. But now Piper is asking me these questions, about if I am happy? What kind of question is that? I have no doubt about my happiness and I know exactly how I feel. I don't really know how to respond, especially when she admits it has all started from Cancun.

Since we have returned back, Piper and I have discussed the events. Laughing and joking with our friends and talking about how it was a great time. She did well. I had a very special birthday and to top it off, after the night on the beach Piper and I packed our things up and returned to the hotel room… we made the most of each other that night, too. Having countless rounds of sex, exploring one another's bodies as we have always enjoyed doing. There were no thoughts about the events, just Piper and I and our affection for each other.

I remember that evening so well. I hardly made it through the hotel doors before Piper was on me in some heated rush, I definitely had no complaints and certainly did not reject her. An aggressive and dominate Piper is always my favorite. Piper was all over me, pushing me to the bed as she crawled up my body. Kissing me hard before taking me. For hours on end. Reminding me of how much she loved me.

Then it hits me. The answer to Piper's reactions.

I can see that she is wound up, I need to be careful with what I say. Remind me not to mention that I didn't think anything bad happened in Cancun, she certainly wasn't complaining to me.

"Piper." I try a softer approach so I have her attention. I know exactly how Piper is feeling, so I am not going to get frustrated with her. "Is this about the beach? The other woman?" I can see a small nod, but the tears that I see in her eyes hit me in the chest. It's horrible. I have never expected this. Not when Piper had been there, the one who had told me to go on.

But when I think about it, she stepped away… but Piper was there and she undid the other woman's bra. Fuck. I can't handle seeing the emotion that Piper has held within and how she has secretly been hiding how she truthfully feels about the situation. For all this time I have been referring to that moment, Piper's thing for threes and how we enjoyed that moment. "Piper. Talk to me."

* * *

"Do you think this is an open relationship Alex? Other girls come and go but you keep coming back to me?" I can see that Piper is wound up. All the emotions are spilling out. But how can she ask me that? It builds anger with in. Is that some kind of joke? Does she really think so little of me? That I would truthfully treat her like that? I don't have time to speak, because the anger is evident in her voice as she increases her tone and continues to speak. "Telling me how much fun it was. How you enjoyed it…"

Fuck. I can't take this shit much longer. How dare she? I feel like I have just been slapped in the face. My bottom lip is dropped in shock, my mouth ajar. I honestly cannot believe that she has chosen this as a place to bring this up. "You were the one who told me to fucking kiss her!" We have been back two weeks now and now she shares it. "What the fuck Piper! An open relationship? Are you fucking stupid?! ... I love you."

"You got thrill out of kissing her Alex. You keep talking about it… what about me? What about us? Wasn't what I did for you good enough?! She is the highlight of every fucking conversation and that smug smile on your face when you talk about her."

* * *

Piper's voice keeps increasing. I can feel the eyes from the tables nearby digging into my back. Fuck. It's not happening, not now, not here. I will not allow this to happen not when Piper had encouraged me, told me that is was acceptable. Something we both had made fun of. How could she?! How does she have the audacity to turn this on me? We are both guilty of kissing other women. It just makes our sex fucking hotter! It doesn't change how I feel about her.

"Piper."

"No Alex. What am I to you? Is this how you treat all your girlfriends? Sylvie?!"

* * *

I am completely stunned. Angry. Sylvie? I can't believe that Piper would bring that up. That was a long time ago, way before Piper. I have never been unfaithful to Piper; she has changed me for the better. She is stepping into dangerous territory now because her comments are stirring up raw emotions that are not necessary.

"What the fuck Piper? You are my only fucking girlfriend. It's you that I love. Those girls… they were just strangers. Some fun."

"If you love me Alex why tell me to kiss other women? Why kiss other women? What's wrong with just us? Am I not good enough? Would you have invited them back for a sleepover Al? You would like that! Yes?! Because anything is better than just me."

No. She took it too far. I can't keep my cool right now. All I can think of is being in this restaurant and how she has chosen the wrong timing. Fuck Piper. What is she gaining from this?

"I didn't fuck them Piper. Did I? You were the one who said you had a thing for threes. It was funny. Hot. You aren't mentioning the time you were kissing the other woman in the club are you?! It makes you equally as bad so how dare you turn this onto me? You fucking LOVED it."

"You are a joke Alex Vause. I never asked for you to go out and find other women. You did it for yourself, for your own fucking needs, because you were never one that was good at relationships were you?!"

"You know Piper Chapman, I wished I would have fucked that woman in Cancun just so you'd have a reason for this pointless fucking argument. At least then it would be valid."

Fuck. No. I instantly regret saying that. I shouldn't have let those words slip out of my mouth. But she stirred some anger within me. Still, that was definitely the wrong thing to say. Now I know that I have messed up and made a terrible mistake. Fuck.

"Piper."

I stand from my chair as Piper pushes back from the table forcefully. "Please Piper."

"Fuck you Alex. Fuck you!"

Fuck. The air is wrenched in my chest. I can't breathe. I don't know what to do, I feel like something is pinning me down in my seat and keeping me silent. My eyes watch as Piper grabs her jacket and turns her back on me heading straight for the door. She doesn't look back at me once. My body doesn't move, froze in position as I feel the tears fall down my cheek. I didn't mean for this to happen. I hadn't expected that we would have been in this position.

I look on into the distance and watch Piper disappear behind the closed door. I am speechless. In shock. Hurt. Overwhelmed with emotion. My Piper has just walked away from me. I feel the guilt build within me, regret. Angry at myself. Something stirs within me and brings me back to reality. I have time to save this, to go after Piper. I find my wallet, throwing money onto the table without caring how much it is. I grab my jacket running for the door. But it's too late. By the time that I get there I see a cab pulling away and a car screeching in the distance, no sign of Piper. Fuck. I messed this one up.

Now isn't the time to approach her. She needs space. I need to give her that.

I turn in the opposite direction, flagging down a cab of my own. Heading to different destinations.

_I wished I had fucked that other woman in Cancun._ That's the thought that keeps playing in my head, hearing Alex's voice as she repeats it. When she said that, it was the end for me. It was a painful hit to my chest and I could feel myself breaking. I had never expected to hear those words. I fucking love Alex; how can she say that? To joke about some situation. I had no intention of things ending badly. All I wanted was to hear Alex tell that it was me she wanted, that other women were nothing and that we were definitely in an open relationship. Maybe I am selfish because of my jealousy. For wanting Alex to only want me. To appreciate me and the things that I do for her, not to enjoy the company and affection from another woman when I can give it to her better. For one, I actually love her. Now I am breaking as those words torment me.

* * *

I had told Alex that I had a thing for threes, but I definitely did not mean it like that. I lived in fear that finally things would progress and Alex would be fucking other woman. A thought that I could not deal with it. I had to tell her how it was. To reveal all that I had been hiding. We have always been open with each other and said that we would always discuss our feelings. Now I have to face the consequences of my actions. To deal with the pain of hearing Alex confess those words, something I wish had never happened.

I look behind me; a small part is hoping for Alex to follow me. To shout my name, to take hold of me because secretly that is all that I want. Alex's affection, for it to be for just me only and not having to share it with a third. I only ever wanted Alex to love me like I love her. But my heart sinks and the pain increases as Alex is not behind me. She stayed in her position not looking at me. Now all I can think about are those words and if she really meant them. Sometimes we all say things out of anger, but how do I get pass this? That Alex was never truly fully dedicated to me.

I am breaking. I need to get out of here. To be gone, to be free and some time to process my thoughts, registering the words that Alex had said. I inflicted this on Alex, somehow I guess I deserve it, I pushed her to her limits and she has the rights to be angry at my words. Did I ever truly doubt that she loved me? No. But I have doubts about Alex not wanting only me, it scares me because all I ever want is just Alex. I only thought this would be fun, a thing we did once for experience and not pursue. Now here we are, parting ways because of a third woman that I know nothing about.

It breaks me in heart, thinking of Alex and her interest for another woman. But I have to accept it. For that I have caused, and for how far I pushed Alex just now I will give her the space I think that she needs. I hope that someday we find the time to talk, that Alex will not stay mad at me because I know that whatever this is, I will always love Alex.

I can feel the tears fall down my face as I try to hold in my emotions but something that overpowers me. I have my keys in my hand but I can feel my body shake and my emotions overcome me and the pain I my chest. I stand to the spot, looking between the direction of the car and the cab. I cannot bring myself to drive, so I flag down a cab. Giving Alex that little bit longer to come out and stop me. As the cab nears, I take one last look at the door and hear no sign of movement from behind it, the tears fall from my eyes and my head looks down to the floor. Alex isn't coming for me. I close the door behind me, as the cab moves from the restaurant. I turn my head behind as the distance between Alex and I grows.

What's next? I don't know.  _Alex didn't follow me._

* * *

I fall back against the mattress, opening my eyes to look up at the blank ceiling as I wipe away the fallen tears. My body is restless, it wasn't so long ago that Piper walked out from the restaurant and all I can think about is the words that I said. Regretfully. It was definitely far from the truth, I was frustrated at what Piper was saying, hurt that she would even consider our relationship as an open relationship. I love Piper so much. I should have never let her walk away and now I lay here, not able to sleep thinking of Piper and the things that I should have done. How it's too late. Will she forgive me?

I reach for my phone placed on the bedside table, turning my head as I tilt it to me. No new messages. I feel my heart sink a little further my head falls back to the pillow and a sigh leaves my mouth. I take deep breathes as I try to compose myself and get my body to relax.

I really want to call Piper; to see how she is. Explain myself and tell her how I really feel. But I lay here, lost. Feeling cold and lonely with an empty space beside me. I had no intentions on the night ending like this, Piper walking out on me. Now I lay alone, the biggest part of me is missing. Mixed emotions, and I know that I need to give Piper space. I just hope that she comes to me. Eventually.

* * *

My eyes fall on the mug that Alex and I had purchased as a souvenir from Berlin, a mug that is definitely my favorite. It instantly draws my thoughts back to Alex and the night at the restaurant, I can't help but wonder if she is thinking about me. Just as I feel I have been able to compose my emotions, I fall upon another memory of Alex and the guilt of my words overwhelms me. Alex's voice has been on repeat in my head and I am feeling mixed emotions, sorrow, hurt, guilt and angry. I retrieve the mug running my hand alongside the hairline crack, I can't help but smile at the time Alex was putting up the shelf and the debate we had about where the mug would go. It's one of my favorite possessions, it makes me think of Alex so much and how we used to be. Back in Berlin when everything was good, what followed and the memories that we share but now here I am, alone, holding a souvenir thinking about Alex and how all this is over.

My finger continues to run along the hairline crack in the mug. There has been no contact from Alex, no new notifications on my phone or any sign of forgiveness. I'm hurting but trying to put on a front, hide that I truthfully do care. It's the longest Alex and I have been apart. Ever. I feel lost, lonely. Unable to process the events at the restaurant and how we have managed to come to this; through my words. I really didn't think it through. I was a strong believer of things being better in the open, but after no contact from Alex and the days apart growing between us I am starting to wish that I had sat on my feelings. It was all silly. Alex would never do such a thing to me. So why did I say what I did? Why did Alex say what she did?

It's humorous looking at the mug and its condition, fragile. Like a portrayal of Alex and my relationship. On the verge of breaking if hasn't already and now I don't know what to do, be the first to make the move or wait on a call?

* * *

A lot of time has passed between Piper and I, days that have gone by and we have still remained unseen. By that, I mean Piper has not contacted me and I am giving her the space that I think she needs. There isn't a day that passes when the thought of Piper doesn't cross my mind, I often forget myself sometimes and wake up reaching out for her. But my nights continue to be lonely and words cannot express how much I miss Piper.

It is taking a lot of courage to not call her, there have been several occasions in which my thumb has hovered over Piper's contact number in my phone, but I can't. Hard as it may be, I can't do that to Piper. She will contact me. But as the time progresses I am beginning to think that those thoughts are just a dream, I am surviving on hope. I am afraid of thinking too far ahead and a future without Piper, clinging on to the last bit of hope that eventually Piper will have to face me. That day scares me, facing the consequences of the last words I spoke, yet I am excited. I miss Piper's face, her smell, her touch. I can only hope that day arrives soon.

I try to hide my pain through putting on a front.

Alcohol.  
The Cure.

 


End file.
